Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
by sauriemilia
Summary: My response to dutchtreat's prompt for the A2A DEHX 2013!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! It's so nice to be back for this year's DE Holiday Exchange. This is the first installment of my response to dutchtreat's prompt. There is something about Sandra's prompts that just gets me hooked from the get go. So I hope you guys enjoy this and I hope that 2014 brings you everything you wish for. **

**Prompt: For most people Christmas is all about happiness, but for some - despite the cheerful decorations and bright lights - it is the most dark and depressing time of the year. Damon and/or Elena belong to the latter category. Tell a story about why Christmas is that way for him/her/them now and how they deal with those days.**

* * *

The phone rings. One breath. Two breaths, a sigh. Now I wait. It's still ringing. I close my eyes and wait for the beep. That short sound that pierces through my sternum like a scorching hot iron blade. It's ridiculous really, to feel gutted by a beep. To live waiting for it to reach your ears but not being brave enough to press play on the recording by your own hand. Here it comes, the highlight of my day, hearing his voice again.

"_You've reached Elena (my voice)."_

"_No you haven't, if you're listening to this she's probably being thoroughly fucked by me. So go get yourself a life and please abstain from leaving a message unless you're missing a limb" (his voice)_

I never knew it was physically possible to hold on to sound until the beep brought me his voice once again. It lingered in my ears and when it started to fade every cell in my body clawed nails deep into it keeping it prisoner for a few more seconds. Seconds are underrated; a second can mean everything, especially when it comes to him. I realize I wasn't breathing when my lungs complain. My body does that a lot nowadays, complain.

"Hey Elena it's Stefan" His voice sounds strained like when he's angry, I know he frowns upon me not changing the message on the machine but hell, he's the one that can't take a hint and stop calling me.

"Caroline and I are having a Christmas thing tonight, It's not much of a thing really, just us, Liz and the kids. They would love to see you; I would love to see you. Please, don't spend another Christmas…"

He doesn't finish the sentence before I jump from the bed and unplug the damn phone. I should get rid of it. It's not like I use it anymore. I remember back in high school when I used to spend entire afternoons on three way calls with Caroline and Bonnie. We sat and watched the same TV show while commenting over the phone. It used to drive my dad nuts. It drove Damon nuts. He even resorted to hiding my phone for a couple of days in his car's glove compartment. When I found it he grinned and nonchalantly claimed that I enjoyed what we did those afternoons ten times more than my phone calls with the girls. He was, as usual, right.

Don't get me wrong, I am normal most of the year. I mean I function. I get up, I go to work. I shower. It's not like I spend my days locked up in my apartment waiting for someone to call so I can hear him. No, I live, but only because he made sure of it.

* * *

_Ten Years Earlier – Christmas Eve._

_Was the department store always this small? I can't help finding the emergency exit signs. Just in case. You can never be too careful especially with so many caffeinated people running around and pushing carts through tiny alleys. This could be a Theme Park attraction "The Walmart Xmas Eve Bump A 'Lot" I'm pondering about the possibility of organizing a road trip to pitch my idea to the Six Flags people "Stupid and Contagious" style when I feel someone's eyes on me. It's hard to explain how you can actually feel you're being watched, I guess it's like goosebumps, only warmer. When I turned and met the strangers eyes with my own, the goosebumps stopped being warm and became "summer in Tampa" hot. I've never seen eyes so blue or hair so dark in the same person. He is definitely not hard on the eyes, but there is more to it, something shy of serendipitous. Almost magical. He smiles at me and my heart does a somersault, yep, definitely magical. I'm about to smile back at him when I hear my aunts high pitched voice in what I like to call the "You did not just dare do that" tone. Well, it isn't Christmas Eve until Jenna is battling senior citizens for brownie mix. It happens every year; she has one job, brownies. Every single time she manages to forget about it. Except that year she made "special brownies" and she took her relationship with the neighbors' garden gnome Arnie to the next level. Arnie was moved to the back yard, the neighbors added a fence around their lawn. I'm about to jump in and break the fight when Jenna's boyfriend Alaric shows up with two boxes of brownie mix. He puts them in the cart and kisses Jenna briefly. _

"_I knew you'd forget." Ric says while laughing and holding Jenna to his side. "Lucky for you Damon is not above using his charms against the Betty Whites of Mystic Falls" Ric adds. _

_I see him motion to his side where the blue eyed stranger is standing. Jenna slaps Damon's arm playfully. _

"_You'd think those ladies have seen it all to fall for it, but their loss means our brownies, so thanks Damon" Jenna says while turning to me motioning me to get closer. _

"_Elena this is Ric's friend Damon Salvatore. Damon this is my niece Elena, she's home on holiday from college" Jenna finishes and I see a funny look on her face, like she's expecting for something to happen. _

_I offer my hand to Damon and he takes it in his, but instead of shaking it he brings it close to his face and kisses my knuckles. Briefly but I swear I can feel it everywhere. _

"_My pleasure Elena. You looked kind of lost back there. Planning on making a run for it weren't you?" He smirks and I'm afraid to look down because I can guarantee I just melted and there's nothing but a puddle left on the ground. His smirk turns full on grin when he sees my reaction. _

"_Nice to meet you too Damon." I manage to force out. I'm not quite ready to let go of his hand yet when Jenna is already pulling it away from him. _

"_Now that you've been struck with the Damon Salvatore charm I can teach to how to protect yourself against it. First, don't look him straight in the eye he's like a snake" Jenna is reciting her set of instructions in a completely serious tone while Damon and Alaric laugh out loud. In between laughs I can see Ric mouth to him "Stay away from her" and Damon giving him and almost imperceptible nod before he says his goodbyes and walks away._

* * *

I finally gathered the strength to get out of bed. I dolled up. Put on the red polka dot dress he said was completely ridiculous but secretly loved. I start packing the picnic. Checkered tablecloth, turkey sandwiches, Jenna's brownies. I've doing this since I was seventeen, the graveyard picnic. It started as a way to spend the holidays with my parents. It used to be a thing I did alone until one year on our second dating anniversary Damon insisted on coming with.

* * *

_Six Years Earlier- Christmas Day_

_I'm holding hands with Damon while eating cold turkey sandwiches over my parents' grave. If this isn't the definition of weird then I don't know what is. The weirdest thing is that ever since they died, I've never felt so complete. We are talking about the shock of Stefan and Caroline as a couple when Damon stands up, I start getting nervous because he has the strangest expression I've ever seen on his face. He looks down to the cold marble and starts speaking._

"_Dr. and Mrs. Gilbert, It's been a real pleasure and an honor to be here with you today" He starts, at first I think he's joking but when I see the depth of seriousness in his eyes it forces my mouth to shut and my ears to listen. _

"_As you probably know from your daughter's endless conversations and diary entries about yours truly, we met on Christmas Eve 4 years ago. After my best friend warned me off her I stole our first kiss from her, under the mistletoe hanging from your front door I might add, exactly a year after that. I told her I loved her and then proceeded to show her how much another year after that on December 25__th__, so I'm pretty much sure you can see a pattern here, anyone would be blind not to see that Christmas is our thing. So a boy named Jesus was born on this day thousands of years ago, well that holds no candle against the blinding light of seeing your daughter's face for the first time." Damon kneels down and I can't help the tears that roll down my cheeks when he pulls a small black velvet box from his leather jacket pocket. _

"_So here, on December 25__th__, I kneel before you Elena to tell you that you are it for me. To ask you to please let me hold your hand like this for many more Christmases to come. Will you marry me?" He is barely finished with his speech before I squeal and jump up on his arms yelling Yes! at the top of my lungs. Damon spins me around until we both get dizzy and kiss until both our lips are sore. I'm convinced that Christmas really is our thing and that Damon is it for me too. _

* * *

I walk through the familiar grounds of the Mystic Falls graveyard. I know it so well I'm certain I could make my way to my parents' grave blindfolded. I have my picnic basket in hand and there's snow on the ground so I tread carefully. I stop right in front on the Gilbert Shrine to drop of mom's poinsettias and dad's apple pie. I arrange everything so that the grave looks festive like I've done for so many years. I sit for a while there, thinking about my times with them. With a smile I leave their grave behind and make my way deeper into the graveyard. An old family grave stands proud there. Almost regal. I stand before it and look up to read the name that has been attached to my own for a few years now. SALVATORE.

* * *

**Dun dun dun! I'm so evil for leaving it here, but good things come to those who wait. **

**Lots of love!**

**Happy New Year!**

**P.S. Sandra I hope you like this! Please forgive its flaws and me =) **


	2. Chapter 2

_**Here is the second part.** :)_

* * *

_4 years earlier –Christmas Eve_

_It's official. I'm as big as a house. Not a normal house by any means, I'm talking about "Rich and famous Beverly Hills Mansion" here. My shoes don't fit, I can't sleep anymore and I'm horny as hell! Of course Damon loves that part but the sleepless nights because I can't find a comfortable position trouble him too. He's nervous and even though he won't admit it, I can feel it. This baby wants out like yesterday. My due date was December 15th. Nine days of living on your toes and with a suitcase by the door do crazy things to one's temper. I yelled at Mrs. Flowers yesterday, she is the nicest lady in this town and I yelled at her because she wouldn't walk fast enough through the Walmart aisles. On the bright side Jenna's brownies are already baked and ready to go for tomorrow. _

_I'm wrapping the last of the presents when I hear Damon's car pull up on the drive way. I'm like a Labradoodle when it comes to him getting home. I jump up and down and race to the door and if I didn't look like the fruit basket Damon knows I am, I would wiggle my tail too. I'm in the middle of said Labradoodle process when I feel a sudden whoosh of water leave my body. Damon opens the door and finds me petrified in the hall standing over a puddle of clear fluid. He must have seen the surprise beaming through my eyes because he took one look at me and after a quite colorful demonstration of his vocabulary. Grabbed the suitcase by the door and raced back to the car. _

_I stay standing there staring after him like an idiot thinking he might have forgotten about me when he comes back running through the door, picks me up like I weigh nothing (Actually this part is a complete lie. He grunted, an actual grunt when he picked me up) and carried me to the car. _

_The four longest hours of my life later we are cuddled in my hospital bed. Me, Damon and our beautiful baby girl, Arielle. My eyelids are heavy but I tried to stay awake because I know real bliss like this is rare. Damon is singing to Arielle. More like humming. I can hear the tune clearly "Have yourself, a merry little Christmas…" I love Judy Garland's version of the song but not even on her best day could she have sung this with the absolute devotion Damon sings it to our daughter with. I fall asleep like that, Arielle gentle breaths, Damon's humming and the warmth of happiness surrounding me. _

* * *

I stand before the Salvatore family grave and open the picnic basket again. I pull out Arielle's ratty old pink blanket, the same one she practically sweeps the house with and cover the grave with it. I start taking out pictures of our year. Little knick knacks, Arielle's "Daddy's Princess" bib. I arrange everything so that there's enough space to sit. I read the words on the grave stone and they register in my mind like the first time.

* * *

_Two Years Earlier- Christmas Day_

_We are so late for Stefan and Caroline's Christmas Luncheon there's no point in rushing anymore. First we had to take advantage of the fact that Arielle is a heavy sleeper to squeeze in a little morning Christmas loving. Then there were Santa presents, Damon presents, and my Christmas breakfast extravaganza, which consisted on pop tarts and egg nog for the adults, milk and banana bread for the toddler. Getting ready, this part could extend indefinitely when a toddler is involved. So here we are at the first convenience store we could find because Caro will kill me if I show up empty handed which means we are getting doughnuts. I'm carrying Arielle while Damon is paying when I feel the air draft of the door being opened and closed. I hear a sharp intake of breath and suddenly there's a gun pointed right at me and Arielle. The man is wearing a ski mask and I can see his hand shaking but I'm too stunned to move. It all happens in seconds. The cashier moves his hands under the counter, to ring the alarm maybe. The index finger pulling the trigger moves and I'm suddenly pushed out of the way so hard I fall down cradling Arielle in my arms. There's a gunshot sound but it's not until I see the blood staining Damon's chest that I understand what just happened. I can't move, he's yelling at me begging me to cover Arielle's eyes but I just can't. I don't understand. Everything was fine. We are getting doughnuts; we're going to Stefan's. It's Christmas. It's our day, and just like that Damon looks at me one last time and closes his eyes. One. Last. Time. _

* * *

I don't remember the last words I said to him. I can't remember much from those days. I won't torture myself with what I could've told him. Whatever I come up with is never enough, it will never be enough. The scales are forever tilted in Damon's favor. Every day Arielle smiles or learns a new thing or looks at me with her bright blue eyes the scales tilt even more. One day I'm sure they'll just crash. I finish arranging his favorite bottle or bourbon, draping his leather jacket over the tombstone when I hear the echo of my daughter's giggle in the air. I turn and she's walking hand in hand with Ric and Jenna. Alaric has his bourbon tumbler in his other hand. That's his thing, a toast for a fallen friend. They come close and hug me tight. Ric finishes his drink and kisses Arielle's head before turning to leave. They know this is our special family time. Most people think it's morbid to serve my daughter lunch over her father's grave but Damon would tell me to send them all to hell. So I do. I cuddle Arielle on my lap as we sing her daddy's song:

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Let your heart be light  
From now on,  
our troubles will be out of sight…"

* * *

**The song referenced here is "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" lyrics by Ralph Blane. I think it is now safe to say I've never cried so much when writing something as I did when I wrote this. I hope you guys enjoyed it! **


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